How Choosing Yourself First Unlocks True Healing and Personal Growth

Healing is a journey we all face at some point in life. Whether it’s recovering from heartbreak, disappointment, or moments when we’ve felt lost, the process can feel overwhelming. For the longest time, I believed healing came from understanding why someone hurt me, why things didn’t work out, or why life didn’t go as planned. But I’ve come to realize something profound: healing isn’t about them or the external circumstances at all. It’s about me.

For so long, I chased things outside of myself—relationships, validation, fleeting distractions. I told myself that if I could just get that person, that approval, or that feeling, I would finally be whole. But none of it ever worked. Each time, I was left feeling emptier, wondering what I was doing wrong.

What I didn’t realize was that I was using these distractions to run from the one person I was truly avoiding: myself. I didn’t want to face my own fears, my own needs, or my own identity. I had spent so much time being who I thought others wanted me to be that I had no idea who I actually was.

The turning point came when I asked myself a simple but life-changing question:

“Why didn’t I choose me?”

Why was I prioritizing the approval of others over my own happiness? Why was I seeking fulfillment in things that could never truly sustain me? The answers weren’t easy to face, but they were necessary.

I realized I had spent my life chasing what wasn’t for me—relationships that didn’t align, habits that numbed instead of healed, and expectations that were never mine to meet. All because I was too afraid to stop and ask myself what I really wanted and needed.

The Breakthrough

True healing begins when you choose yourself. It’s not about why someone didn’t choose you; it’s about understanding why you didn’t choose you. Why you stayed in situations that didn’t serve you, chased people who didn’t value you, or ignored your own voice for the sake of others.

When you shift the focus inward, everything changes. You start to recognize your worth, honor your needs, and create a life that reflects who you are—not who others expect you to be.

Practical Steps to Choose Yourself

1. Spend Time With Yourself: Take moments to sit in stillness and ask yourself what you really want. Journaling, meditating, or even going for a solo walk can help you reconnect with your inner voice.
2. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to things and people that don’t align with your values or well-being. Protecting your peace is not selfish—it’s necessary.
3. Identify Patterns: Notice the cycles you repeat, whether it’s chasing toxic relationships, numbing pain with distractions, or putting others first at your expense. Awareness is the first step to breaking free.
4. Embrace Self-Discovery: Don’t be afraid to explore what makes you happy, even if it’s unfamiliar. Whether it’s trying a new hobby, setting a goal, or simply giving yourself permission to rest, lean into what feels right for you.
5. Celebrate Progress: Healing isn’t linear. Celebrate every small victory, every moment you choose yourself, and every time you take a step toward becoming who you’re meant to be.

Final Thoughts on Healing

Choosing yourself is not an act of selfishness—it’s an act of courage. It’s about reclaiming your life, honoring your worth, and allowing yourself to become the person you were always meant to be.

True healing happens when you stop chasing what’s not meant for you and start embracing what is. And it all begins with one powerful decision: to choose you, every single day.

So, here’s my question for you: What’s one way you can choose yourself today?

– AB